Thursday, January 19, 2012
I found solace in today's entry in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
"Seek My Face, and you will find more than you ever dreamed possible. Let Me displace worry at the center of your being. ... Glorify Me by receiving My blessings gratefully.
I am the goal of all your searching. When you seek Me, you find Me and are satisfied. When lesser goals capture your attention, I fade into the background of your life. I am still there, watching and waiting..."
verses Ps 27:8(nkjv), Phil. 4:7(mess.), Jer. 29:13
(these were just the excepts that REALLY spoke to me, copywrite infringement and such...)
I need to receive my oreo eating children gratefully because they are a blessing. I need to receive my crying first thing in the morning child gratefully as the blessing she is. My attention does not need to be captured by my headache or their actions. God sees all of it (and has provided coffee) and HE will help.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
School got done. (by lunchtime!!!)
Chicken feed bought (and we didn't bring home a free kitten).
The Christmas wrapping paper is finally out of my room.
Chores are done.
Chicken is back in pen.
Meeting place has been set.
Monthly deadline met.
Now if I could just get motivated to make a menu and get the grocery shopping done! LOL!
Oh and my 12 year old decided he did want me to his teacher!!! It had been up for discussion. :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Today I have tried to praise and have joy. Then I remembered a scripture that spoke just of that.
(emphasis is mine)
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
5 Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.
8 “For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed.”
10 I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.
Monday, January 16, 2012
As days in casts have turned to weeks in casts and months in casts, I have found myself struggling with anger. (especially since she's in the spica cast) We thought we were getting a little girl that occasionally broke, not constantly broke. I have to keep rearranging my days and plans because we have to get an x-ray, there's an appointment for her, or now the constant care she requires while in the spica cast. Life in a spica cast is immobile at best and embarrassing and painful and those aren't the worst. Every morning we have tears and need pain medication, otherwise she doesn't want it. But the morning is not the only time she cries. She cries if you look at her sternly, if you don't do what she wants, over a toy, she wants to move somewhere, we aren't letting her do the thing she wants (because we are horrible parents and are still trying to teach her to share or go to bed at a decent hour). The tears wear on me. We don't want her to manipulate, but balancing that with her lack of mobility/pain/past, is a continual ballet. Multiple times a day I have to drop whatever I'm doing and carry her to the toilet and clean her up. She doesn't move unless I move her (or she's in the wheelchair, now that we have one, PTL). So I have found myself inconvenienced and angry. As I sat in church on Sunday, it hit me. Jesus was inconvenienced. He gave HIS life for me. Though it was why he came to earth, He could have chosen differently and left me to pay for my sins. How can I complain about the relatively small inconveniences I've endured, even if they are because of our obedience to HIM? I would rather live in obedience to God's call for our family trusting HIM for strength, sanity, endurance, grace then live outside of HIS will and blessings paying a great price for living MY way.
As I was dwelling on Christ's sacrifice, it came to me that He was embarrassed as well. So no embarrassment I suffer, like having a 4.5 year old that is not potty trained, is some "new" cross to bear that HE didn't bear first. He was stripped down and almost naked. All for US. No public humiliation I suffer can compare to what HE did for us. He could have chosen to come off the cross, to not even be placed on it to begin with, but then we would never have a chance to be in heaven. So if Christ could endure public ridicule, humiliation and embarrassment, surely I can get past the embarrassment of children who lack bowel control or verbal control or general self control.
We may not have a routine right now and most days it feels like survival of the fittist, but God has a plan in all of this and if nothing else it is growing my compassion, charity, and ability to not be a perfectionist (really thought I already had that beat, lol!). So we plod on, more slowly with more baggage (literally) and heavy with the weight of a sick child, but we plod. And I am ever thankful that Jesus is right here plodding with me.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Three bites of toast have been eaten, praying they stay down.
Lollipop is being so stoic. We (the nurse and I) finally 'forced' hydrocodone. She hasn't wanted any of the high powered stuff, but the ibuprofen was not enough to be able to get her to want to move, which they want us to do today.
We have had such kind and wonderful nurses, impressed, thankful and exhausted all at once.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
She has slept since she got out of surgery at 10:15am with the exception of waking up and losing her stomach contents then before slipping back into oblivion asking where her "ringe" (syringe) was. The Child Life person, a very peppy person, gave it to us to 'practice' taking the "nasty" medicine that we had to this morning. Now the nurses made a big deal about it and so did CL, but in stoic Lolipop fashion she downed it and only winced once. No nose holding needed or breathing through the bubble gum smelling mask, no spitting. She did AWESOME. I can only imagine what she had to swallow in China...
So I've spent the morning with our church's children pastors. Both sweet ladies came and sat with me. We talked about so many different things, but what was recurrent was how God is IN even what we think are less than good situations. This afternoon I've been trying to update the ministry website, finally ended up calling tech support... but now it's fixed. Trying to be productive while I have a chance.
*Note: the doctor just came in and says she's looking good. Maybe can go home tomorrow?! She's going to have to be eating and drinking and voiding on her own before we can leave though...hmm. Doing NONE of that now. Tomorrow may be slightly aggressive... God remains in control and I am thankful that HE IS and I am not.
I am now in the waiting room, with coffee and the sounds of an aquarium and terrarium. Very thankful that I am the only one in the waiting area (except for the exceptional volunter, she went and got milk for my coffee) oh the little things do make a difference!
We trust in God and thank HIM for the opportunity to be in Lolipop's life, even in these less than pleasant times.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
All without hiring a lawyer. God has been good!
"My peace I give to you"
"Do not be troubled, for I have overcome"
"Don't worry about tomorrow"
"I know the plans I have for you"
"I knit you together in your mother's womb"
"Nothing surprises me"
We knew when we adopted Lolipop that she had Osteogenesis Imperfecta. We thought she had only had six fractures, she'd had at least twelve before we adopted her. We didn't know about all the fractures, but God did. God created her in her birth mother's womb. God knew that she would be adopted. God knew that she would become our daughter. So the femur fracture, the three other fractures since she's been home, none of these have surprised HIM.
Sitting and waiting for a doctor at Scottish Rite, I went through all the x-rays and actually detailed which bones were broken on what date. Of course the healing fractures that we were not told about were not among the x-rays. Though I have seen them before, some of her fractures still send a shiver down my spine. The pain that this little girl has endured in her five short years of life.
We met with her orthopedic and endocrinologist/nephrologist. The ortho deemed it best for her to have rodding surgery. I think I surprised his whole team when I said, "Okay, how about today?" Well our imported Chinese daughter apparently needs an imported Canadian part. So surgery is set for Tuesday, but we have to be there by noon on Monday, hhhhhhhh. The last two days have been spent doing our usual things along with trying to prepare for being gone most, if not all, of next week. If everything goes well, we will be headed home on Thursday. (I try not to even think about if it doesn't go well.) I am sure after being in the hospital for three nights and by her side the entire time except for surgery, I may not be in my best form. :)
If any of you will be in Dallas next week and near the historical area and want to stop by, we'll be there. Mr. Incredible will be home with the other kids, we have a sitter scheduled for most of monday and tuesday during the day, so that he can work some. Trying to figure out Wednesday and Thursday still, maybe he might work from home? (since our sitter can only work four hours each day and it takes him almost .75 of an hour each direction to just commute) and the puppy has a vet visit on Wednesday and the boys have piano on Thursday... It just doesn't stop!
So if you feel surprised by a certain situation or feel that God has let you down, remember NOTHING surprises God. He sifts the details of our lives through His fingers so that nothing touches us that won't somehow make us a better reflection of HIM. (not always easy to remember, don't always feel it, but that doesn't make it any less true!)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A few days worth of clothes for me and her, our toiletries, some GF snacks, a disc of x-rays, another disc of x-rays and ANOTHER disc of x-rays and a disc of TobyMac are set out to be packed. Now I just need to get activities pulled together for all staying at home. And "freshen up" the activities for her that she can do lying on her back. AND pack all the stuff that I've set out into ONE bag, that I can carry while carrying her. Easy enough, right!?!
I never thought that I would pray that my child has surgery, but I am honestly hoping that the doctor sees the need for rodding her left femur and we can go ahead and get it done. One of her healing fractures when we got her was her left femur... so it was broken twice last year.
Last year..., hard to believe that terminology. We moved, last year. We adopted her, last year. Our lives went topsy turvy, last year. I guess that means THIS YEAR...., hmm, I wonder what God has for us this year. Well whatever it is, I know HE WILL see us through. (though I most probably definitely will not like whatever 'stretching' exercise it may involve :)) lol! Guess my human side is showing through!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Focusing on our blessings, enjoying the sunshine and thinking of where we will put the garden is quite enough for today. Throughout all of last year God remained faithful and I know that HE will continue to be faithful and today I will simply REST in that fact.
Thank you, Lord, for our children, may we raise them wisely.
Thank you, Lord, for our home, may it be a peaceful sanctuary.
Thank you, Lord, for our food, may it strengthen us to better serve you.
Thank you, Lord, for this day, a new start once again and a wonderful reminder that your mercies are ever new.
Thank you, Lord, for your love, that it cannot be earned, doesn't end and you give it freely.