Sometimes It's Just Laughable

This morning started at some hour of darkness.  I finally registered the time about 6am and reluctantly pulled myself out of bed at 6:54.  See today is a busy day.  Definitely not unusual around here, however today is just a little more stuffed and having a newborn probably makes it seem more so.  Concurrent appointments in separate towns for different kids (so glad my dad could take M to his).  Two stacked appointments at the pediatrician's.  Two testing times for M today. Newborn pics... get the idea?!

On top of the hecticness, I wake up today with my left eye feeling funny.  Apparently there is a pocket of fluid on my eyeball!  Weird! At least it is not on my iris pupil area and my optomitrist will see my tomorrow.  But, come ON!  Wasn't there enough going on already.

So S did great with her two week check up.  She's gained 10 ounces in 7 days!!! I don't feel so bad that I didn't keep following the pediatrician's advice to continue pumping and add fortifier to the milk. As Mr. Incrdible says, S is a 'real baby' now.

E's 'sick' visit to try to determine the underlying reason for all her illnesses has landed us on topical and oral antibiotics (was really hoping to avoid more of them), we are being referred to an immunologist, and we have a stool sample collection kit (eewww!).  She was diagnosed with a couple things today (hence the antibiotics) and we are testing for more to try to find the underlying reason for all her illnesses.

And lastly I am NOT following my OB nurse's advice to take ibuprofen an hour before I take my Lovenox injection (blood thinner).  (We'll see if I keel over dead today.)  I called expressing concern about an increase in my post partum bleeding and clotting.  Their response- take something else to thin my blood and they can run labs for anemia (of course my OB is on her two week cruise! and this is another doc consulting).  Well weeks before delivery I was borderline anemic and started iron.  After delivery my hemoglobin was low and they just wanted me to continue taking iron instead of getting a transfusion. And now two weeks later I express concern over pp bleeding/clotting and the solution is to take more of my blood!!?! Sorry, I am hanging on to whatever I can and I am not going to thin it anymore than it already is.

It is days like today that remind me to not take life too seriously, not to think that I can't handle something else (because something else will always pop up), and to enjoy what God has blessed me with.  Troubles come, occassionally aplenty, and on days like today I just have to laugh! :-)

News About Our Newest Addition

To celebrate our daughter's impending arrival, I came up with this little diddy.


http://youtu.be/o6AIWlYRhiI

Selah Marie Hope was born at 12:49pm weighing in at 5lbs 2oz and 18 inches long, not bad for 34 weeks 2 days gestational age.
I was able to kangaroo hold her about 11 hours after her birth-awesome!!! I am doing well and last I knew she was on room air with no support from the nasal cannula. We might get to attempt a feed this am.

Bed Rest At Home

Well, I made it home, but I am on bed rest and uh, I almost wish I wasn't home...
There I said it.  A home with six kids in it is not restful.  I somehow keep finding a way to hack off Mr. Incredible.  The house is a wreck.  I have to set alarms to take meds every four hours, and remember my morning meds and my night meds (both involving an injection now) as well.  There is no reclining bed.  The bathroom is further away.  And the house (and my room) really are a pig sty.

When we found out we were expecting and I didn't have a miscarraige, the reality of our limited accomodations for baby hit me hard.  We had already talked about some home remodel, but even though we have tried to pursue this, it still hasn't happened yet.  The only 'unoccupied' room left in the house is the study off the living/dining room.  At the time it was full of books, three book shelves, craft stuff, a desk and a piano, but at least not a person.  Well the piano now resides in the living room, we had to get rid of the love seat to fit it, so our seating is now one sofa, the piano bench and dining room chairs.  The desk is in the big boys room.  The bookshelves came to my room and now comprise a 'fake' wall.  They are of course laden with books.  The craft stuff is in my room with a little of it in my closet (but since we downsized from a huge walk in hall closet at our old house my closet was already filled with items from our former hall closet) leaving little room for the craft stuff that wasn't already in it.  So though the baby's room is neat, my room has piles of craft items, books and other homeless items that desparately need to find homes so that the cradle will fit in here.  Though I worked on it one day, my time was limited and my progress unimpressive against the enormity of the task.

And am I able to remedy any of this?!  Nope.  My uterus does seem to be less irritable with being home, but I still do have the occassional bigger contraction reminding me that it's only bed or bath, no beyond.  Even sitting outside yesterday with my feet propped raised Mr. Incredible's eyebrows and ire.  Of course he knows I will push myself, but I really wasn't.  And cutting Mr. T's hair while reclining outside really wasn't pushing my limits.  And the fact that I was sitting supervising the spot removal on the carpet in the living room really was benign.  Now I understand some irritation when I started aiding with the spot removal, but come on- I was sitting!  Yes, now you know my transgressions.  Without standing or exerting hardly anything I cut one child's hair and scrubbed a few spots.  (all might I add without contractions)  But my room cannot be cleaned while sitting and there in lies my irritation.  This is just going to have to be another one of those things that I have to let go.  Grrr.  Sometimes I really do hate letting go.

I did get to enjoy Z-man's birthday with him and for that I will rejoice and set aside my frustration with my circumstances.  He hugged me several times yesterday and said how glad he was that I was home for his birthday.  Priceless.  And hopefully me passing out for part of movie we rented for his birthday because of my 8 o'clock meds will just further endear me to him.

So here I am.  At home.  On bed rest.  Surrounded by chaos.  Waiting for what the doctor will say in the morning.

Note: Lollipop did break her arm Thursday night.  It is now in a long arm cast.  She went 15 weeks 3 days between breaks this time.

The 'What If' Minefield

My devotional today was a reminder that I cannot serve two masters.  I usually think of God and Money when I think of serving two masters because of Matthew 6:24.  But it is just as easy to substitute Schedules, Activities, Me Time or for me, 'What If's', for Money instead.

This week has not been the week that I planned, though I'm not sure that I remember a week that ever was.  However, as I lay in a hospital bed trying to stay pregnant for a few more days it is hard to deal with life passing me by.  And it is doing that.  I am not the one tucking my children into their beds, wiping their noses or encouraging their creativity.  I was not at Lollipop's infusion yesterday, though she visited me since we were in the same hospital.  I am the last one to find out that Lollipop hurt her arm last night and they are going to try to get into the orthopedic doc for x-rays this morning.

There is NOTHING that I can do to help my husband or parents.  This does not bode well with me.  I don't want to be a further drain on Mr. Incredible.  I don't want my parents going to early graves because they were taking care of six children when they shouldn't have been.  My mind reels with 'What If's'.  If the doctor hadn't checked me on Monday, would I have ended up in the hospital with contractions on Tuesday?  If I had been home could I have prevented Lollipop from hurting her arm?  What if Little Mama is really sick?

And that's just this morning!

What If's can consume my thoughts and it's not just because I now have time to think.  I have to think of eventualities, think through circumstances in order to help our family navigate (especially M&M and Lollipop) through them, BUT by doing this am I placing my trust in me?

I am the only one who can bake this precious baby longer.  Am I willing to let others come along side and help?  Am I willing to not be superwoman?  Can I lay down the 'What If's' and trust God?

Wednesday morning I was awakened with contractions.  They had stopped, but suddenly they were back and I could only think of  the 'What If's'.  I knew I needed to relax, but it is difficult to relax when you know you are facing a c-section, baby spending days in the hospital and all because your stupid body wouldn't cooperate.  I woke Mr. Incredible and asked him to start reading from the Bible.   Instead of focusing on all that was going wrong, I sought refuge in the promises of His Word.  I found solace, peace and patience in the words of the Psalms.

I may not know why I ended up on bed rest at 33 weeks, but at least it wasn't earlier.  I may not be the one tucking in, wiping or carting to get an x-ray, but God has graciously provided someone that can and I need to trust in Him and rest in His promises. So I will sit, lay, wait and bake baby and praise Him for the opportunity to do so.

The 'What If's' are always going to be there, but how I chose to handle them and let them affect me shows whether I am serving them or the King.

Worn

I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes, I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of world
and I know that you can give me rest
so I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see Redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise,
from the ashes of a broken life
and all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn

I know I need
to lift my eyes up
but I'm too weak
life just won't let up(!) 
and I know that you can give me rest
so I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see Redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise,
from the ashes of a broken life
and all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn

My prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn
Even before the day begins
I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see Redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise,
from the ashes of a broken life
and all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn

Though I'm worn

Yeah I'm worn 

-Worn, Tenth Avenue North (emphasis mine)

Progress.

Today it was mentioned that we might get discharged tomorrow.  Wow. Really?!  In order for that to happen, we have goals to meet.
Goals:
1. Remove epidural- done
2. Remove foley
3. Pain managed with oral meds only
4. Elimination on own #1 and #2

It may not seem like lofty goals, but they are a bit out of our reach currently.  Lollipop's personal goal is to make it to the playroom today.  The epidural is out, her breakfast is down, but we are still waiting on the foley before we go.

Once we are discharged from the hospital, we will still need to stick around for a day or two before we are able to travel.

We are keeping in touch with home via phone and Skype, but it still isn't like being at home.  Little Mama was missing sister, mommy and dada pretty bad yesterday.  So thankful for my parents and those who are bringing meals.  One less thing for my mom and dad to deal with.

The swelling that happened on Tuesday in my legs has dissipated, but I am spending as much time as possible with my feet up.  Would appreciate prayers for it not to return and for physical strength as Lolipop is not weight bearing for four weeks, need to clarify if that is four weeks beyond this week or including this week.  Having the wheelchair helps, but we don't have a handicap accessible bathroom, so... yeah, need strength.  Baby will be viable in about six more weeks.  Our goal is May (due in June), but reaching viability will be a load off my mind.

I am so grateful that God is in control and that we are only here because of rodding surgery and not something life threatening.  I know that He knows the end from the beginning, has a plan, and I simply have to trust

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"L's New Straight Legs"
(taken at Children's Hospital and Medical Center)

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Got Sleep!

I never would have thought that two consecutive hours of sleep could be so much! (It's been a while since Mr. T was a baby...)  Other than some issues around 1am, Lollipop has slept all night!  Now of course I woke up every time someone came in the room, but if she sleeps I can sleep!  She is even back asleep after the anesthetologist coming in and chatting at 6:30!!!!  Sleep is so restorative, we NEEDED last night.
The med doc said that today (while we still have the epidural) we are going to try to transition to all oral meds.  That will put us one step closer to home, but I don't want to take any steps back in her pain management...
We still have not seen the x-rays, but the is the scoop according to the ortho surgeon.
Right Femur- had to break in 1 place to place rod.
Right Fibula- already broken, had to break in additional place and take out bone wedge to place rod.
Left Fibula- had to break in 1 place and take out bone wedge to place rod.
Her leg bones were bowed to such an extent that it was not possible to place any rods without first straightening the bone.  So pain management to promote healing is essential.  And lots of TLC.  And LOTS of prayer.
In other news, Rick saw the grandparents of the family we first saw on Monday.  (The 5 yr. old boy with the brain tumor that they discovered on Sunday.)  The little boy is doing well.  The surgeon thought he removed 50% of the tumor, but an MRI on Tuesday showed that 90% was removed with what remained shrinking in the hours since the surgery.  The tumor was at the base of his brain, pushing on his brain stem.  That is why a biopsy was impossible and they went from having an MRI and biopsy to MRI and surgery on Monday.  Please continue to lift up the little boy and his family.  He has an older sister and mom and dad are mom and boyfriend and dad and girlfriend with an overwhelming number of granparents and accessory relatives.  Divorce (or maybe just not marriage) seems to run in the family.  Still don't know his name, but with all the family drama and the boys situation... God knows it and that's what matters.
Please keep us in your prayers.  We have many hurdles to cross before we can go home and then she will be non-weight bearing for four weeks.  I am feeling okay, but yesterday noticed some swelling...keeping an eye on that.
Well the pain dance begins! Gotta go!!!!

Bad Night

Sleeping Beauty

She is resting comfortably. Have been in the room about an hour. Vitals are now going to be every 30 minutes instead of 15.

We are so thankful for the knowledgable and kind doctors and staff here. What a blessing!

Goodnight!

Headed to Recovery Soon

Lollipop did great and she will be headed to recovery shortly.
Three rods placed, epidural is in place and looks to be working. Next 48 hours it sounds like she will have the epidural to help control pain.
Thank you for continued prayers.

Headed onto Left Leg

Just after 4 we met with the surgeon.
They had to break her rt. femur in 1 place and broke her rt. tibia in one more place and took out a wedge of bone.
Though her recovery will be longer with both legs getting rodded, we decided that because of the continued bowing and fibula fx, it would be best to go ahead and also rod her left tibia.
They are planning on placing a catheter for pain medication. Please be in prayer for the anesthesiologist to be guided by God in placing it.
Surgery was only scheduled from 1-4, but her right femur (which had fractured in China) was 'hard as rock' according to Dr. E.

Please be in prayer for a family also here in the waiting room. Their son has been sick for seven weeks-various things. Took him to the ER yesterday and they discovered a brain tumor. He is in surgery now, they had only planned on an MRI and biopsy, to remove as much of the tumor as possible. Because the tumor is at the base of his brain a biopsy was impossible.

Still in Surgery

As of 3:30 it looked like they had begun her second rod. Not sure if they will do three. Depends on how she is, blood loss and docs stamina. They had only scheduled for surgery from 1-4...

They are talking about an epidural for pain management, pray for docs guidance. They know she had a L1 compression fx in November.

Headed to Surgery

Lollipop is very hungry and rather sad about not eating, but we have told her 'see ya later' and she is headed to surgery now.

Hello From Omaha (Nebraska that is)

On Saturday January 5th Lollipop was being a normal kid and decided to jump on the FLOOR of her bedroom (on the rug). The rug did not slip, no one bumped her, and I doubt she even made it off her toes (to her jumping is more like heel lifts), however, the force of even her little jump caused her right tibia to snap. Surgery set up was finalized on Wednesday, Mr. Incredible, myself and Lollipop drove 12.5 hours yesterday (Sunday) with only six stops in our 704 miles AND surgery is TODAY! Her specialist here will be rodding her right tibia, right femur and possibly her left tibia. We won't know more until we check in and they take x-rays.
Soooo.... Not what we had planned (yet again), but so thankful for God's provision, quick doctors, and that her right fibula did not snap as well (we have been fighting fib fractures for months).
I will be updating here with her progress. We expect to be in the hospital 4-5 days with another 1-2 days remaining local for the just in case.

Some News...

Yeah, it's been quite here.  Sorry for not being more 'connected'.  Between 12 appointments every week (and that's only going to increase now :)), all-day sickness, fatigue and the challenging time of year that it is for one of our children, little time has been available to stay connected to the outside world.  And it is only going to get better (or worse) depending on if you are a glass half full or half empty kind of person.

We could use lots of prayer, to put it delicately, getting pregnant was not something we were seeking...  I will be not only seeing an OB, but a perinatologist as well because of my history of preterm labor, the abruption with Mr. T and the resulting 'emergency' C-section.  There will be weekly injections and 'when' I go on bedrest, not 'if'.  The goal is to bake baby until June, with April - June being a somewhat 'safe' window and more consistent with my history.  So life has gotten even more complicated, but we are finding joy.  This may not have been our plan, but I would much rather be in God's plan than my own, because that is where true happiness can be found.

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"Infusion #3- almost done!"

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Planning and Failing

I was reminded today that if you fail to plan, you're planning to fail.  Planning has a place, but do we ever stop God's blessing because it doesn't fit into our plan?

There's this family that I know that wanted to have another child, they planned the exact month that they wanted to conceive (and did), but when the baby miscarried instead of ever trying again, they stopped.  I know the pain of miscarriage, so when I heard this my heart broke.  A baby unless born at X time just didn't fit into their life.  Too scared or too busy?  If it didn't fit into their plan, they didn't want any.  How many times do I (we) cram God into a box?

I recently overheard some adoption conversation (from people who hadn't adopted).  Though I didn't listen intently I heard several 'reasons' why adoption just wasn't 'right' for them.  If I had had my game on, I could have walked over and said, "God doesn't command you to adopt, but to take care of the orphan and the widow.  So how are doing with that command?"  But I was distracted from a busy week, kids and emotional exhaustion.  Things had not gone according to my plan last week and I was still recovering.  (yes, I am human :-)) Letting God have your schedule is not always easy.  Did I miss a divine appointment or was simply being there with all our kids enough to show that adoption is sometimes not what we planned and is hard, but so worth it.

How much are we planning our lives and expecting God to 'bless' OUR plan and how much are we saying, "It's all yours.  Every breath.  All my time.  All that I have is yours.  Use it to further your kingdom."

So last week I fit in one overnight out of town appointment, gymnastics, our regular 6 weekly medical appointments, speech and OT evals, an ENT visit and one surgery.  Friday the 21st is when we received the phone call that we could see the doctor on Monday the 24th.  Thursday the 27th is when we found out about surgery on the 28th.  If I had held on too tightly to MY schedule, we would have missed seeing a wonderful geneticist (who's also a developmental pediatrician) that treated us with care and like we are people (a novel idea, I know).  We also would be looking at having to wait two weeks for ear tubes for Ms. E, who already had fluid on one ear and had a massive ear infection (still) in the other.

What is God trying to fit into your life?  He might not be calling you to adopt, but is He calling you to pray for an adoptive family?  Or maybe you could help a child right where they are by becoming a Compassion sponsor, is He calling you to give of your finances?  Maybe your time can be your gift and you could visit nursing homes or deliver meals?

God knows us, how much hair we have, each of our needs, what our favorite things are and He WANTS to bless us.  Sometimes those blessings happen when we let go of our plan and say, "Daddy, I am yours, use me."  He is best able to use us when we are weak, because He strengthens us and His strength is revealed to others.  He is best able to use us when we don't know the answer, because He is the answer and His wisdom and glory is then demonstrated.  He is able to use us when we put our plans aside, because He has an eternal plan that will draw people to Him.

So this week are you failing to plan, planning to fail or planning on God?


Zebras 'eating' her hospital bracelets

Happy Gotcha Day!

Whatcha Doing?

So it's September. 
Can you believe it's September?!!!
I haven't planned a menu since January... and we have survived!  Surprising, I know!
A year ago today our neighbor called to let us know that wildfires were near by while we were many states away.  We kept vacationing and our house survived.
But, we have done so much more than survive.  Our family has thrived!
I honestly can't believe all that we have come through in the last year.
Two replaced transmissions (on two totally different vehicles).  Not cheap, but God provided!
Two readoptions (and I acted as our lawyer!).  Amazing!
13 broken bones in just over a year (in the same child) and she still has a great go get 'em attitude!
Innumerable little 'God moments'.
Countless BIG 'God moments'.
Self realization.
Treachery from others (toward our family).
Extended family visiting for an extended period of time.
Opening our home to friends.
The death of a cat.
Overcoming not being the 'perfect' mom.
The loss of a dog.
Two majorly sprained ankles (me, same ankle).
So many tough moments that make you cry out to God (and He answers).
Relationships healed.
Hearts mended.





Fun from our weekend getaway

E's first day of school

I am truly blessed!

What have you done for God lately?  Until you put yourself out there, you won't be able to experience how much He gives back.

Great Thought for Today

A mind that is unfocused is vulnerable to "the world, the flesh, and the devil," all of which exert a downward pull on your thoughts. As your thinking processes deteriorate, you become increasingly confused and directionless. The best remedy is to refocus your mind and heart on Me, your constant Companion.

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